Mood:
chillin'Topic: Life
I have undergone a lot in my life, some of it I still must endure, unfortunately. I guess this is just part of being grown up. Though I long for the 80's when I was young and had no stress. Didn't have to make important decisions. I never thought that one day I'd be facing infertility let alone be dealing with it for 6 years now. I always thought I'd have a house full of kids. I know I'd be a pretty good mother and I know my husband would be an excellent father. Going through infertility has changed my way of thinking drastically. It's also made me endure things that people who have children and whom had no problems conceiving would never understand. I have seen all of my friends and sisters have babies. Plural. I have had several of them steal baby names that I had planned to use. I have gone to numerous baby shower's and been told so many times "it's just not your time" or "relax, and it will happen" among many other lame things. I have gone through so many treatments and had so many diagnosis's that i feel like a guinea pig or a pin cushion. I have been told by my mother in law that i am doing something wrong, and told about all her friends daughters having babies so easily. But, mostly I have judged myself. I lost our only child and I will always feel to blame. I am angry and have shed so many tears, I have no more left.
Posted by sunshine762001
at 2:27 AM EDT
